Jul. 18th, 2002

Sitting here on this plane, I'm suddenly painfully aware of how crappy 737s are. I'm sandwhiched between 2 men, and my screen is bent at a 45 degree angle, keeping me from really seeing what I'm typing. I'm tired, but if I recline my seat, I'm going to be at more of an angle with the people between me, and its already cramped and hard to function.

A new thought to try to forget the sardineness of the airline. Why is it, at least from my experiences of being hard headed, that right when you have a conversation wiht someone, something happens to make you rethink your hard headedness?- I was talking to Kayla this afternoon and we were disucssing my personal opinion of myself, and my depression of being in the desert. After thoroughly frustrating her, I believe her quote echoed something to the effect of wanting to beat me over the head, I had to go check out of my hotel room and go into town with my cow-workers. I came back later to the room, bored with shoping downtown, and got back online. My cousin Nate was online, and he started a convo with me. Since his mom died a few months ago, we've been getting closer and closer, especially since he talks to me about girl things, and I talk to him about guy things- mostly romance things. Together we lamented about how we each hate ourselves in some way or another, but that we each think that each other is sexy.. Kinda wierd to hear that from a cousin you've crushed on, but know you could never do anything because he's too damn vanilla.. And a Percussionist.. I just don't know about those percussionists. I just don't know about many band members.. Yes, I know I am one, thats why I can say that. (haha)

Talked to Ravenblack today too and was in a deep conversation about the state of our Homeland Security (Elevated if you didn't know), and how inaccurate the criteria for this seems to be right now. He then pointed out how seemingly like Germany 1933 we are, and how he thinks that its possible that should viable reasoning come in, America might close its borders. That would be extremely scary, at least in my opinion. I mean, could you imagine being stuck in this country, unable to visit friends only miles away in Canada? (when I say Miles, I mean like hundreds, but still...) It just doesn't seem possible. Of course with the way things are going, I guess its possible.

So, since I didn't get a chance to talk about my trip much other than lamenting about the head and how depressed the beauty of the trip made me, I will now inform you about Palm Springs, just before landing in Sacramento. Hows that?! If you like Golfing, Gambling, old people, drinking, and heat, you'll love Palm Springs. If not, its boring. Most of hte shops in downtown close at 5, and those that don't are almost not worth going into. I found 3 that were okay- I needed a new outfit to go clubbing in Tuesday night, even though clubbing just meant going out and getting drunk, not weither definition of what I have in mind when I think of "clubbing" And I was so hoping for the baby seal's option too... :P
Got a really pretty new sundress to wear to semi-formal events, and got my sister a pocket buddah. Figure if she's serious about this whole Buddhism thing, I might as well get her collection of buddahs started by one from California.

I have taken pictures, I swear- its just trying to find time to put them on the server that's been the problem. Hopefully tomorrow night befor eI slip into a bubble bath, I'll be able to do it for yall. I got some cool pictures from the plane. Though I really should have taken one tonight during takeoff. Phoenix spans the whole way to the horizon in every direction. When you take off you can see the lights as far as you can see. Its interesting though, because it seems like they have 1/2 the traffic problem that DC has, and it looks like they have more people. Whoever played Sim City to design this city did a damn good job. Of course, I gotta give props to whoever decided to give this area a 75mph speed limit as well. That seriously kicks ass.

Well, I think that's all I can really write right now.. Not becuase I don't have more to say, but because my wrists are killing me becuase of the closeness of the keyboard to my body. Its so wierd.. I feel like I have little kid arms with no elbows. I so hope we land soon.
Okay, the last post was from Last night.. I'm in Sacramento now, feeling a major ulcer begin to form in my tummy.

Why is it that when you feel like you're doing a great job, someone has to come and tell you that you need to be doing better, even though the boss thinks you're awesome?
My co-worker Phillip seems to be unable to give me a "good job" kind of statement. He just continues to tlel me the redundant things that I've already said. I said last night that I felt like I needed to take java classes, which I also said I'm planning to. Right after we find out we get 2 additional contracts (which was not smoething we were expecting), he has to rub it in by saying "well you really should be doing all this in java." Well what the hell did I say yesterday! ARRGH!
I nearly had a mental breakdown because I'm not getting any positive reenforcement at all. I have not heard "good job" since I started on there full time. And then I find out that another co-worker keeps getting in trouble for helping me out, which seems wrong. She got yelled at because she's watching my hamster! I just don't understand it. I feel horrible about it though,because they really should be talking to me about it. I just really don't know. I can't really say anything because I don't want to get fired. The boss' son says that I have nothing to worry about because his dad thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread or something like that.. but its just hard when you're not hearing any good stuff, only bad.
anyway, if anyone wants to see what I've been doing in California
www.torresmartineztanf.org
and
www.itccaweb.org

both in the skeleton stages.
On to upload pictures

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