Oh what a beautiful morning

God I so wish I could just stay home today and curl up in my bed with a book, and some hot cocoa. Though its strange becuase I feel better today than I have...because its raining and dismally and stuff. Yeah I know.. its a chemical thing now.. I normally hate rain.
I really hope we get a lot of snow this year.
Guess I'm stuck sitting at my desk and cuddling my fleece that I have on. It is suddenly cold.
More stuffies in a few

(no subject)

:: how jedi are you? ::

Who dun it?

so I'm working hard, minding my own business... when we get a call. They ask for my real, legal name, saying they're an old friend. Annabelle gets me, but befor eI can get to the phone, they're gone.
She says it sounded like a slightly older woman, like in her 30s or 40s.. of course its hard to really discern. Its so crazy though. I really want to know who the F*CK it was!
Arrrgh! This is so frustrating! Everyone I know would more than likely use Mea, not Amanda...even if they used my last name. She said she was an old friend. Now I'm highly confussled. Grr

Wierd ramblings- needing cocoa

Its strange now... Especially today.
When I'm depressed, all I seem to be drawn to are several moments inside of me when I felt warm, or just inwardly contented on some level or something.
The first instance I'm drawn to remembering is being 4, in my plaid jumper, those wool pantyhose/sock things all our parents had for us to wear, and my hair in pigtails. All the lights in the living room are dark, and I'm sitting in front of the christmas tree, which is lit. Mom's baking cookies in the kitchen, and I'm just staring at the lights, the tinsel, the ornaments ont he tree. No presents yet... i think its before christmas that this memory comes. I just remember the radiating heat from the fireplace.
I remember next the blizzard of 93- watching the snow pile up, watching Molly run around in the wind, nearly falling over.. And sitting and playing trivial pursuit by the light of hurricane lamps and a flashlight.
I remember being at Tammy's, playing necromunda, or painting mineatures..It was always warm in her apartment.
I remember playing video games in front of the fire, and watching the fire go. And coming in after playing in the snow too, to the warm fireplace, and a cup of hot cocoa.

I miss those days. You didn't have any worries, no stupid wishes you wanted to come true (except for the Cabbage Patch at Christmas, or Pony, and to be graduated from school already, or the occasional snow day.) You were a bright child, except you didn't apply yourself...but you didn't know what that meant anyway so it didn't matter. There was always a hug when you needed it.. and there wasn't any real problems (except for that whole fear of death thing with Tuck Everlasting, which you were required to read.)
Nightmares were rare and easily taken care of by going and sleeping out on the couch in the living room, becuase that was a safe place, or under the table in the dining room during thunderstorms. That was a safe place too. Most of hte people you missed, you could visit easily, because they were just a walk away, or over the hill.
Boys had cooties, girls came to your birthday parties and had sleepovers. Phonecalls were cherished. Computers were TI-99 4/as, which your dad wouldn't let you touch until it was "programmed."

I wish I could go back to these days..Life isn't as carefree anymore. Life isn't as happy anymore. If I would have known the shit life throws at you, I wouldve given up long before this.
I hope therapy goes well tonight.

Interesting

http://abcnews.go.com/sections/scitech/DyeHard/dyehard.html

A recording of your own brain's lullaby.. you know I wonder if you could take the brainwaves of a mother, give them to a baby, and seeif they work as well??? That would be highly interesting to check out.